I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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