I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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