I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
wow bdsm is so cute
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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