Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
