Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
