Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
