just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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