Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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