1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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