If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
