I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We don't watch enough power rangers
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
