I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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