I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Enjoy the penises
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
