he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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