he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
