smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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