So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
