Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
