I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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