Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
