Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
