i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
