I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.