i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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