forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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