All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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