Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
