i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
