when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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