Plan B is the new Plan A
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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