I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
