We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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