Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
