they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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