This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
