why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
