also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
