i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize