We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
