Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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