No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
