upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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