I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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