He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
