Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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