Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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