I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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