i think i have herpe
just one?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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