Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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