She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
