Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
