i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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