She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i dont even know how to be here
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
