i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize