I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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