Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
