Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
