the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
